At Bundle, our trainers are at the heart of everything we do. They're the driving force behind our personalized learning experience, empowering individuals to develop the real-world skills they need to thrive. This is why we have launched a Trainer Feature Blog Series, a space where our expert trainers share their insights, experiences, and stories from the front lines of skills development. This week, we're featuring Bundle Trainer, Donna, who sheds light on a common yet underutilized technique for managing emotions and improving communication: the power of the pause.
It's incredibly rewarding to witness a learner's "aha" moment, that instant when a new skill clicks and they realize its potential to positively impact all facets of their lives. One of the skills that many learners champion is focusing on their breathing to remain calm.
For those who are new to this strategy, the skill is to recognize that your emotions are escalating, pause before reacting, and take a few intentional, slow, deep breaths during the pause. This is a really effective tool when adrenaline is pumping and you need the oxygen to help you think and respond rationally, rather than emotionally.
When asked how long they pause and breath, most learners respond that they typically focus on their breathing for just a few seconds. They may even answer a question or continue with the conversation while covertly practicing deep breathing.
I often hear great examples of how learners use the deep breathing technique. But what about the pause? They have recognized that their emotions are heightened, and they do not want to say something or behave in a way that they might regret. So, why are they continuing if they are not yet in a calm enough state to safely continue the interaction?
Often, they believe that they do not have a choice, and that they must continue the interaction and get their emotions under control simultaneously. Because that often works when they need less than a minute to regain control of their emotions, they assume the skill will continue to work when they need more than a minute to regain emotional control. The chance they take is that their emotions will get the best of them, and they will behave at their worst.
They do have a choice about how to de-escalate their emotional state. Their choice is to “own the pause.” Let’s explore this in action.
You recognize that you need to pause before responding, and you are quickly practicing deep breathing. Now, consider how much time you truly need to pause.
To “own the pause” ask for the amount of time you need to regain emotional control and feel safe before continuing the interaction. If you need more than a few minutes, say something like, “I really hadn’t considered that perspective. I am feeling unprepared to respond right this moment. I’d like to take some time to consider my response. Would you prefer that we table this topic for our next meeting, or can I call you within the hour and we can continue then?” An alternative would be to ask to step outside of the room for five minutes, or to turn off your camera and think quietly for five minutes before returning to the meeting.
Perhaps you are thinking that this sounds great in theory, but that it is not always practical depending on the relationship or authority level of the person you are interacting with. Could you really say this to your boss, or a customer, or the CEO?
Yes! The key is to consider the relationship you have or want to have with the other person. Ideally, you want a trusted relationship built on mutual support and respect. Ask yourself which is more likely to strengthen the relationship – asking for time to regroup and consider your response, or continuing the interaction and risking an emotional outburst? If you still have doubts, consider “owning the pause” initially with someone that you have already developed a supportive two-way relationship.
As you adapt to “owning the pause” and reap the benefits that come from showing vulnerability, your final step is to recognize when the person you are interacting with might need to pause and breath. Help them “own the pause” by saying, “I feel like I just overwhelmed you. How about if we both take a few deep breaths and pause to refocus our thoughts?”
While deep breathing helps you remain calm, the pause is your opportunity to reflect on the relationship and the outcomes you hope to achieve.
Meet Bundle: Bundle's training platform empowers organizations to drive business success through personalized, 1:1 live skills training. Our expert-led sessions focus on real-world application, delivering measurable results and a strong ROI. Ready to transform your workforce? Contact us today for a demo.